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Transition Talk - Divorce & Grief
December 16, 2008
Greetings from the Transitions Team at Life Transitions for Women!
Christmas is almost here and I still have so much to do. Today I will be finishing up last minute shopping, wrapping presents and listening to lots of Christmas music to up my energy and get me in the holiday spirit. We had our annual holiday reunion last night, and I just have to say that I am truly blessed to be surrounded by the wonderful people I call family. I hope you too are surrounded by warm, loving people this season. Count your blessings, and take the time to stop and really enjoy what you've been given.
Now a bit about The Benefits of Journaling, The 5 Stages of Grief - great for anyone going through a painful divorce, and Viki's Body Transformation - including a challenge to you. Enjoy! And feel free to share this information with the people you love!
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The Benefits of Journaling
I just recently began keeping a personal account of my life, my hopes, my dreams, and everything that goes along with them, again after a long period of time away from it.
Why I allow myself to get lazy about my journaling I don't know. When I get stressed for time it's one of the first activities I let slide.
But I know better. Jounaling is something I recommend for most of my individual coaching clients, and I employ writing exercises in each of my coaching groups because I am aware of the many benefits of this age old practice.
In writing you can release negative emotions - feelings that only serve to keep you bogged down and unable to move forward on all you want in life. You can record special memories and events for the sheer joy of reliving them at a future date. It can be a place to celebrate our wins and count our many blessings. In doing so we raise our energy and open a path to receive even more abundance. But my favorite of all is to use pen and paper to create a detailed picture of the goals and dreams I want to achieve.
I've found that I reach more of the goals I set when I have a solid visual of them. And penning a picture is a great way to engage the good ol' right hemisphere of the brain to create a roadmap to our destination, and what we want the end result to look like, so that the linear, logical left hemisphere can begin to see it, believe it and take action on it.
So, when was the last time you kept a diary or journal? I challenge you to begin keeping one again and see where it takes you. It doesn't matter whether it's an expensive, fancy, leather-bound tome, or a cheap notebook from the dollar store. Just start dreaming, writing, and achieving!
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5 Stages of Grief
We grieve not only for the passing of a loved one, but for any great loss in our lives. When something that has meant a great deal to us ends, it is perfectly natural for us to mourn its passing. After death, divorce is one of the greatest losses a person can encounter. We are faced with the same recovery process after the break-up of a marriage that we would endure with the death of a friend or family member. So in this week’s issue of Transition Talk I want to share with you the five stages of grief:
1.Denial – Initially we may experience disbelief, shock and even panic. We have trouble believing that this can be happening to us, and it feels as if our entire world has been turned upside down. We run through a whole list of “whys”, “what if’s” and “if only’s”, questioning ourselves and the decisions we made throughout the relationship. We wonder if there was something we could have done differently, possibly changing the outcome. We may even find ourselves trying to bargain with our ex, or with God, if we can only regain what we’ve lost.
2.Intense Emotions – As we begin to see that this is reality we are overcome by intense emotions that may include anger, resentment, pain, fear, and even hatred, jealousy and inadequacy if there was a third party involved in the break up. These feelings are normal, and are not to be avoided. Allowing ourselves to experience and go through these emotions is the only way to get past them. On the same token it is important to find healthy, productive ways to deal with and release these feelings. Mishandling them can be detrimental to our own lives, as well as the lives of our children.
3.Depression and Sadness – Again, we’ve just experienced a major loss. We’re sad, lonely, and our self-esteem may have taken a huge blow. It feels as if we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, and it feels as if that may never change. We can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and are beginning to fear that this is what our life is going to be from now on. And we truly believe that no one else has ever felt this kind of pain and anguish. Surely, no one else understands what we’re going through.
4.Acceptance – With time the pain begins to soften. We slowly start to accept that our lives have changed, and that we survived that change and all that it brought with it. With acceptance the world starts to seem a bit brighter again. It’s the feeling of moving from winter to spring. It’s a brand new season and we’re feeling ready to open ourselves up to all the possibilities inherent in that.
5.Taking Action/Moving Forward – After acceptance, we begin to see new hope and we develop the desire to take action, move forward and experience new things. We realize that our lives are ours and that we can make them over into whatever we want them to be. We begin to dream again, set goals and define what action steps we need to take in order to move into a brand new life filled with happiness, joy, and endless possibilities.
Every one grieves at some point in their lives. If at any point during your journey through grief you feel unable to cope, it’s important to reach out for help. A friend, family member, counsellor or coach can be of tremendous help, and may be able to assist you in finding further resources to aid your recovery.
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My Body Transformation
I am so excited to share this with all of you!
If you, or someone you cherish, is struggling with excess weight, if your tired of being unhealthy and unhappy, and you are wanting to take action on getting fit and healthy then go to http://www.vikisbodytransformation.com and check out what I'm doing!
I need to take off more than 100 pounds I gained after a back injury several years ago, and I'm sharing my transformation journey with you and the rest of the world! I'm going to share my life with you for the next year, I would love it if you'd share your life with me!
So, If you need to make a healthy body transformation too, then I challenge you to go to http://www.vikisbodytransformation.com, check out what I'm doing and how I'm doing it (there's even an ad banner link for the program I'm using on the home page) and commit to beginning your transformation today!
The quicker you take action, the quicker you'll achieve your goal of being fit, trim and healthy!
I look forward to hearing from you!
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Have a happy, healthy holiday!
Belief & Blessings,
Viki
Viki Stanley-Hutchison
Life Coach
Life Transitions for Women
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